Webinar Transcript: College Essay Series: Crafting Your Personal Statement
Elton Lin
Anna Lu: Hi everyone, welcome. Thanks for joining us tonight. We have another exciting topic lined up for you today. You guys have probably all heard about the Common App – pretty big application platform! Over 1,000 colleges will accept the Common App.
And kind of at the forefront of the Common App is the Common App essay – or the Common App “personal statement.” So we'll be walking through that today – or, rather, Ellie and Angela will.
If you two would like to introduce yourselves and take it away?
Ellie Frank (she/they): Of course. Thank you so much.
Hi, hello. I'm Ellie. I'm an essay specialist at ILUMIN. You might recognize me if you joined us a week or two ago for our PIQ webinar.
I'm super excited to be talking to you about the Common App because – I will admit – it's my personal favorite essay to work on. It's this really cool space to share an awesome part of yourself.
I love working with ILUMIN. It's been a great time, and I'm really excited to be here today with Angela.
Angela Torres de Amante: Hi everyone, welcome. My name is Angela Torres de Amante, and I have been working with ILUMIN for going on three years now. I really enjoy what I do. I've helped students get into numerous schools, including well-known ones: USC, NYU… I don't want to drop too many names, but Cal as well!
I'm so happy to be here. I love sharing insight and tips. It's – one – super helpful to you, but also I just love being part of this process. I love writing and I love learning.
Agenda
Quick Review: College Essays 101
What is the Personal Statement?
Prompts
What should I write about?
Writing Tips
Student Sample Essay
How ILUMIN Can Help!
Ellie Frank: Awesome. Why don't we dive into a little bit about what we're going to do today?
We're going to touch broadly on college essays. You might not have joined us for our other webinars; we'll talk really briefly about that.
And then we'll dive into the Common App Personal Statement.
We'll then review the prompts,
As well as ways to narrow down your essay topic,
And some general writing tips.
And then we're going to end today with a sample student essay,
And a little bit more information about how ILUMIN can help you in your writing process.
Feel free as well to put your questions in the Q&A – and at the end there should be a little bit of time for us to do some answering.
So yeah, let's get started!
College essays
Allow students to speak directly to admissions officers
Help admissions officers determine fit
Are weighted differently at different colleges
Should not be written like classroom/literature essays
Are generally reviewed by staff (not subject matter experts)
Should display passion, personality, and perspective
Ellie Frank: Essays are a really cool and unique part of the college application process – because admissions officers have your transcript. They have your activities list. They have your test scores. I like to say: they have the what and the how of your application. Essays are where a student can speak directly to the officer – and that's where you get to give them your who and your why. It's a student's chance to give readers a greater sense of who you are as a person – and how you fit as a student at their college.
Now different colleges and universities place different amounts of import on the essays. Some institutions care a lot more about grades and test scores than others, and some institutions really focus on the essays (and how they think you'd fit as a part of their school and community). Unfortunately, it just really depends.
When writing your essays, you just need to remember these are not classroom essays. So we're not doing a thesis: the five-paragraph format. Think about it like you're having a conversation with the admissions reader.
You don't want to get too technical with your writing – because these readers are not subject matter experts! Even if you're applying to a school with the best physics program in the world – that's awesome, but the person reading your essay probably isn't one of those physicists. So you don't want to be too formal.
The goal is to share a little bit about who you are with the admissions team. This is your chance you get to share what you're passionate about: show them your awesome personality, and really display your unique perspective!
Let’s Talk About the Common Application and the main Personal Statement!
Ellie Frank: Now let's talk a little bit more broadly about the Common App.
The Common App
Online application platform hosting 900+ different schools
Stanford, CMU, Georgia Tech, Cornell, Purdue, USC, Rice, NYU, Boston U, Northeastern, U Miami, Santa Clara University, Yale, U of Oregon, Middlebury, Swarthmore, U Wisconsin, U Michigan, Harvard…
Includes school-specific info and deadlines
Use the search engine to find and add schools of interest!
Angela Torres: We'll go over the Common App’s main personal statement… but a little background about the Common App. (This might be a recap for most of you.)
The Common App is one of the standards in non-UC college applications. It's an online application platform – and, as Anna pointed out, over a thousand schools use it. (We've listed a few here for you.)
Each college is different in their essay requirements, but (regardless) they all require the Common App personal statement.
Sorry, I jumped ahead; excuse me. The Common App platform provides you with a space to be able to upload your school-specific information, your letters of recommendation, your essays, and it keeps you abreast of deadlines. It's also a search engine that you can use to find and explore schools of interest that you may not have otherwise done yet.
Ellie Frank: It's a really great resource as well – so highly recommend creating an account if you haven't already.
The personal statement
What is it?
The central essay to be reviewed by all colleges you apply to on this platform (max of 20 schools)
How long should it be?
250–650, officially; we recommend at least 500
How will it be reviewed?
Read alongside school-specific supplemental essays and contextual info about you provided by you and your school
Demographic info, Activities List, Transcripts, LORs, School Report
Angela Torres: Next we'll go into the personal statement – this is what I jumped ahead to.
The personal statement is a central essay: it'll be reviewed by all colleges. It is one essay that will be reviewed by all colleges that you apply to.
It's 250-650 words. We recommend at least 500.
Just as an aside: some schools do have “supplemental” essays. The “personal statement,” however, is universal across the platform. So you will have to complete that – and that is a necessity. Any supplementals we can (of course) help you with here at ILUMIN – but, for the purpose of this webinar, we are going to go over the personal statement.
As Ellie and Anna mentioned, your essay is reviewed alongside the other school-specific supplemental essays, along with contextual information: demographics, your activities list, your GPA (of course), test scores, school report, etc.
Ellie Frank: It's a little bit longer than the UC PIQs as well – just like Angela was saying. It's going to be about two to three pages. I know that when I hear “650 words,” I freeze up: like, “That's a lot!” I promise you: it's a lot less than you think. And you're really going to want to use pretty much all those words: just like Angela's saying, we recommend at least 500.
What are the writing prompts? (And what are they really asking??)
Ellie Frank: Now that Angela's crushed it and we've gotten a little bit of the background, let's talk about the prompts. There are seven writing prompts for the Common App. Let's read through them.
Prompt 1: What makes you unique?
The Text: “Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.”
Our Translation: Tell us a story about yourself that doesn’t fit into the other prompts, but is super important to understanding who you are.
Ellie Frank: Prompt number one we like to call this the “What makes you unique?” prompt.
“Some students have a background identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.”
Now let's translate that prompt a bit. It’s actually saying: “Tell us a story about yourself that doesn't fit into the other prompts… but it is super important to understanding who you are.”
The key word here is “story.” You're not really answering a particular question. You want to make sure your story has a really good structure: a beginning, middle, and an end. Like I said, it's really not like a classroom essay with a thesis, five paragraphs… It's really more of a narrative essay (if you've heard that word before).
Along with the story structure (beginning, middle, and end) you're also going to include a moral: what did you learn? Who are you? What cool thing is this story telling about yourself?
Let's move on to prompt two.
Prompt 2: Can you be resilient?
The Text: “The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?”
Our Translation: It’s okay to mess up! Mistakes make us human. We want to see that you are resilient and you can recover from setbacks, and that you’ll apply what you learned to future endeavors.
Angela Torres: Prompt who is the “resiliency” question.The Common App’s prompt reads: “The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
What that translates into for us is that it's okay to mess up: mistakes make us human. We want to see that you are resilient, and you can recover from setbacks – and that you'll be able to apply what you've learned later
College is a very humbling experience. When you’re going to college, you're going onto their campus. You become part of the community. But it is very humbling. It might be the first place some of you experience failure. I know it was for me.
What these colleges want to know is that when you're on campus – when you're away from home, when you're facing the stress of that lifestyle – if you encounter some bumps, you're going to be able to bounce back. You're going to be able to reach out, ask for help, think of new, innovative ways to go about problem-solving.
That is very important to assess as they consider you coming onto their campus – into their community. With a lot of these colleges, they're massive institutions with entirely too many students to watch each one individually (although, of course, there's support there). They want to know that you're going to be able to reach out – not hermit away. This will be your opportunity to show your resiliency: to show that you are active and proactive in your experience – whatever it is: whether academic or personal or what have you.
Ellie Frank: Awesome.
That's a great prompt… and remember, there are seven prompts – and we'll work through all these. But they're all very interesting and unique in their own ways.
Prompt 3: Are you a critical thinker?
The Text: “Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?”
Our Translation: Are there causes, ideas, or values that are important to you? Are you willing to stand up for what you believe in? Or, are you willing to examine your own beliefs and change them based on new information?
Ellie Frank: Prompt three is: “Are you a critical thinker?”
The text: “Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking and what was the outcome?”
Okay, let's parse this out just a little bit. The prompt is saying: “Are there causes, ideas, or values that are important to you? Are you willing to stand up for what you believe in? Or: are you willing to examine your own beliefs and change them based on new information?”
Readers want to picture how you will actively engage – and I love saying that: “actively engage” – in critical thinking on their campus. You're 18. You don't know everything. (I don't know everything. No one knows everything, right?) But college is your chance to learn new things – so they want to make sure you're open to learning and critically engaging with the ideas, the people: the very diverse and varied folks you're going to meet on their campus.
To emphasize it, again: this is your chance to demonstrate your critical thinking skills – either in how you evaluate your personal belief system, or that of a larger group.
But just a little bit of a warning: this isn't an opportunity to be edgy. Rather, you want to reflect on this moment of personal growth or evolution rather than on possibly controversial topics. You need to be honest while writing these essays, while also thinking about, “How am I putting my best foot forward?”
Prompt 4: Are you practicing gratitude?
The Text: “Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?”
Our Translation: We want to see some awareness of the people that gave you opportunities and made you who you are. Are you a student who will consciously value your time on our campus?
Angela Torres: Prompt four is the “gratitude” prompt. It's asking you: “How do you reflect on and practice gratitude?”
The Common App’s prompt reads: “Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?”
Our interpretation here is that this prompt is essentially saying: “We want to see some awareness of the people that gave you opportunities and made you who you are. Are you a student who will consciously value your time on campus?”
It really gets to the heart of your values – and how you see the world outside of yourself. We work hard to gain admissions. We pour ourselves into everything: to make sure that we are getting those grades, that we are advancing through our groups and organizations that we're working with – that we want to put onto our activities list – and show, “I did this: I made it to president, vice president, secretary, etc.”
If we're able to – amongst all that – also acknowledge who has poured into us: who has helped us, what has been our guiding light, and show appreciation… that is really indicative of your self-awareness and your ability to reflect – which is something that they're looking for.
It's easy to count what we've done. It's harder to look and reflect on things that have touched us. So here you're invited to tip your proverbial hat at someone (or some opportunity) that contributed to who you are in a meaningful way.
Ellie Frank: And this is one of my personal favorite prompts as well. I just think it's great to be able to say, “Thanks! This is how I've grown.” It's a pretty cool one.
Prompt 5: How have you grown over time?
The Text: “Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.”
Our Translation: Talk about a time that impacted you, and helped you realize something new about yourself or the world around you. We need mature and self-aware students on campus who seek to become better.
Ellie Frank: And then the next prompt (number five): How have you grown over time?
The prompt itself is saying: “Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.” So I call this one the “growth narrative” prompt.
The way that we translate it is: “Talk about a time that impacted you and helped you realize something new about yourself or the world around you. We need you to be mature and self-aware students on campus who are constantly seeking to become better.”
So what new skills, abilities, and awareness have you gained? How did you gain them? How did you actively work to become a better or more accomplished person? This is your chance to demonstrate to the reader that:
You know how to grow and change for the better, and
You're taking these skills and traits to their school – and will continue to grow and change on their campus.
College is really a time for transformation. You're trying to show that you will use this awesome opportunity to positively become a cooler person – and contribute to their community.
Prompt 6: Are you intellectually curious?
The Text: “Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?”
Our Translation: What is it like to be inside your brain? Show us that you are an intellectually curious and passionate person who will pursue your interest enthusiastically, take advantage of the resources around you, and use what you’ve learned to make the world a better place.
Angela Torres: Awesome, Ellie.
Okay prompt six – just two more!
This prompt is about your intellectual interests. It's asking: “What grabs your attention?”
The Common App’s prompt reads: “Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?”
Our translation of this is: “What is it like to be inside of your brain? Show us that you are an intellectually curious and passionate person who will pursue your interest enthusiastically, take advantage of the resources around you, and use what you've learned to make the world a better place.”
You don't want to miss this really important last statement in the Common App’s prompt: “What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?” Meaning: how have you actively pursued this interest? Social media can teach all of us that we can just scroll… and we can take deep dives into Wikipedia vortexes and just consume and consume: knowledge, information, ideas, concepts… That is very easy. It's not enough to like something, or play around with an ideology that catches your eye.
What do you do with that passion? How do you channel it? How have you pursued it? Really make sure that you're able to map that – rather than just: “This really interests me – I spend hours scrolling about XYZ!” How do you engage with it? How have you furthered your interest is really what's at the heart of this prompt.
And next we have prompt seven: final one, last one!
Prompt 7: Topic of your choice
The Text: “Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.”
Our Translation: We get that we can’t cover everything with our prompts, so feel free to say whatever you think is important for us to know. This is your space; use it well.
Ellie Frank: Final one! Thank you all for pulling through with us.
Prompt seven is topic of your choice: “Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one that you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.
The way that we translate it is the Common App is basically saying, “We get that we can't cover everything with our prompts, so feel free to say whatever you think is important for us to know. This is your space; use it well.”
I just want to start with a slight warning, because part of this prompt (“it can be one that you've already written”)… be careful with that! You might be able to use a past essay as a starting point. The Common App is really unique in the form of narrative writing and personal reflection that it requires – so it'll be really hard to simply copy and paste an old essay to satisfy it and have it be impactful in any way!
Personally, I suggest not starting with a piece of previous writing – because this is your chance to tell your unique story. And this is one of the positives of the Common App: they want to know who you are. And they recognize their prompts might not be asking the right questions for the story that you want to tell.
How do I choose a prompt?
Colleges don’t prefer one prompt more than the others
So, consider:
What trait do you want to demonstrate?
What structure does your story fit into?
Some stories fit into multiple prompts, so try a few!
Remember: The most important thing is your essay’s story and life lesson, not the prompt that you choose!
Ellie Frank: Now that we’ve gone over the prompts, how do we choose which one to do? There are seven; that's nuts!
Angela Torres: And it is. Luckily there's really no preference for your reader for what they're engaging with (in terms of who you are and what you represent).
So things to consider are: “What traits do you want to demonstrate?” What is that thing about yourself that you just simply rock at? Focus on that trait, and then see where you can apply it within those seven prompts. Another thing to consider: what structure does your story fit into? Some stories fit into multiple prompts – so you'll want to strategize on where you apply it.
And remember: the most important thing is your essay, story, and life lesson – not really the prompt that you choose. You – and what you are most passionate about talking about – are more important than the prompt you choose.
They all work. Everyone writes about all of them. I see them all every admission season. So you can't choose the wrong prompt – unless your story just doesn't quite fit, and maybe you're trying to press it. (I can see that being an issue.)
Ellie Frank: That's why they have number seven: it's the catch-all, which is great.
And what's really important to remember, too, is you're going to be writing four to five drafts of this essay, usually – not everybody, but most folks do. And this is 650 words… so it needs to (at minimum) be a topic that interests you as well. Otherwise this is going to be a little bit of a drag for you. You want to enjoy what you're writing about.
You really want to ask yourself: “What is the story that I'm telling?” That can be really hard to realize – because sometimes you might just think to yourself: “I have nothing to write about!” If the prompt doesn't matter as much as the story you tell… you might be coming up against that thought. But here's the thing: it is totally normal to feel like you have nothing to write about. In fact, we have a whole slide on it!
“I have nothing to write about.”
Ellie Frank: This is a thought that comes across everybody's mind. I promise: when all of us were applying to college a million years ago, we also had that same thought.
It's important to realize though that every single person (all of y'all – everyone in the world) has life experiences that have uniquely influenced them and contributed to who they are today. You will 100% be able to find something. Pinky promise: it's gonna happen.
So a really good way though – when you come against that thought: “I have nothing to write about” – brainstorm. It's a great place to start: cast a wide net. Think about, “Maybe this could fit a prompt, maybe not.” And what's really cool about ILUMIN is we have a ton of worksheets and activities if you need more support. That's one of my favorite resources that we offer.
NEWSFLASH: A moment is as important as you make it.
Ellie Frank: News flash: the moment that you choose for your essay is just going to be as important as you make it. You don't have to win an Olympic medal to write a great essay. It doesn't have to be the most interesting thing in the world to be an amazing story.
I want to give an example of one of my favorite Common App essays I've ever read: it was about someone's childhood collection of glass dragons. That's something really mundane. It's a childhood collection. But it was made really memorable and impactful by the student’s presentation – and the smallest topics and moments and things, these can make really amazing stories. Your writing is going to be what emphasizes or de-emphasizes this essay. It's all about what you make of it.
Your mission: connect with the reader
We feel most connected to someone else when they are vulnerable
Examples: admitting something, realizing something difficult, sharing something honest → “I trust you enough to share the real me.”
Create that feeling in your essay, instead of narrating your resume (save that for the supplementals)
As you select a topic, be honest and introspective
Keep yourself safe and honor your boundaries
You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to
Ellie Frank: So your mission here is going to be to connect with your reader.
Angel Torres: Yeah. Writing about ourselves it's (obviously) subjective, but you still have a task – to connect with your reader.
We feel most connected to someone when they're vulnerable. That's a good measure of if your story is whole and complete: are you just showing a little bit more vulnerability? We'll go into how much, and how to gauge that… but some examples of vulnerability:
Admitting something that is maybe a little bit uncomfortable. Again, we'll go into how much discomfort… but just something that’s maybe a little bit harder to admit – especially where it concerns flaws. Some of the best essays that I see are in regards to flaws: someone recognizing and having that self-awareness of their issues.
Realizing something is difficult: that's also a vulnerable state to be in.
Sharing something honest. Essentially, when you do this, you're telling your reader: “I trust you with this information.” That creates a connection. You want to create that feeling in your essay – instead of narrating it like a résumé. It's a little bit more warm – a little bit more human, if you will: less logistical.
And then, as you select your topic, be honest and introspective. Those pre-writing and brainstorming worksheets that we offer (that Ellie talked about) are really helpful with this. Also you can do this on your own: be thinking about where you come from, where you've been…
There are some gems there, I promise you. It's just a matter of writing it out. (Taking that pre-writing time, taking that brainstorming time, doing those brain dumps are gonna really help with that.)
This is where we talk about how vulnerable: how much you can take it. I want to make sure that everyone understands: keep yourself safe. Honor your own personal boundaries. Boundaries are for us. They're not for others. So if you have one, honor it. You don't have to share anything you don't want to.
There's this idea that even going into TMI and tapping into trauma is going to make the best writing – and sure, sometimes that's true… but I have had students get into their dream schools with absolutely not touching on any uncomfortable subjects. So please don't feel that you need to sell yourself out for the purpose of a good essay. You can write a phenomenal essay just with comfortable vulnerability.
Ellie Frank: Totally agreed. Thank you so much, Angela.
Like I said earlier, one of my favorite essays I've ever read was about someone's glass dragons. That was, again, pretty simple… but the writing was what made it an essay that I really remember. Out of the hundreds (maybe thousands) that I've read, that essay stuck with me because of the student’s writing.
Tell your “origin story”
Think of this essay as the flashback in a superhero movie.
Center your writing around a single defining moment that shaped:
Your personality
Your passion
Your point of view
Your values
Your abilities
Share this moment with us so we can understand and root for you!
Ellie Frank: So… one of the great ways to structure your essay is your “origin story.”
There are a ton of different ways to structure your essay, but this is a more common one: you're structuring it around a single moment. Think of this essay as a flashback in a superhero movie. You're centering it around this single defining moment – and it's maybe something that shaped your personality, your passion, your point of view, your values, your abilities… You want to share this one with us – so we can understand and root for you.
This moment can come from the beginning, middle, or end of the story you're telling. It doesn't have to be, “On my birthday – my second birthday…” and then go on from there. It can come at any point.
So it's all about your character growth here.
Brainstorm (them brainstorm again)
Make a list of moments . . .
That stand out vividly in your mind when you map your life
With people who have impacted you
That show a before/after change
Where you learned an important lesson about yourself and/or the world around you
Expand each idea into a freewrite to see what works!
Challenge yourself to brainstorm multiple possibilities and get feedback on which ones convey the most and most significant information
Angela Torres: Yeah, and the way you touch on that (and the way you get super tight and honed into that) goes back to that brainstorming that I talked about: that pre-writing, those brain dumps that you'll do… You can make a list of moments that stand out for you: those moments that you go to whenever you can look back on your life. (I know you do that, we all do it, right?) Maybe nothing that you replay when you're angry! Fond memories. Moments in your life that you're really connected with.
People who've impacted you are awesome sources of stories and narratives – and who you are (and what you value) will come up a lot when you talk about somebody else. Anytime we talk about something outside of ourselves, it really reflects back a lot about us that we maybe didn't even realize!
Somebody who's impacted you – anything that reflects a before and after change – that's going to be significant. Brainstorm any of those pivotal moments for you. Where have you learned an important lesson about yourself or the world around you? Those are gold mines.
You just want to expand each idea into a free write and see what works: see what lands. You may just come upon: “Prompt six is totally talking about this! This is what I'm gonna make my essay about.”
Challenge yourself to brainstorm multiple possibilities and get feedback on them. Feedback is invaluable. Honestly, you'd be surprised how many amazing ideas your friends come up with. All of my students will talk about, “My friend said this. What about that?” And I'm like, “Your friend's really smart. Please listen to them!”
So tap your friends, your family, your parents (obviously)… shoot ideas back and forth. That's all part of your brainstorming efforts – and that will make:
The essay writing much easier, and
Give you some gems that you can then mine.
Ellie Frank: And it's one of the best parts of the process, I think: you just got to spend time with it.
Example ideas
Over the past few years, we’ve helped students develop essays about
Getting lost in a foreign country...
Camping trips with dad...
Riding the train to and from school…
Walking around their neighborhood...
Getting locked out of the house...
Ellie Frank: Here are some example ideas from past ILUMIN students. And I want to note: these are not all big moments. They came up with them while they were brainstorming. Maybe it wasn't the storybook superhero moment that they were thinking about, but it is a superhero moment for them.
So let's take a look. We have:
Someone getting lost in a foreign country.
Someone going on camping trips with their dad.
Riding the train to and from school. (I know; I commuted to school every day. All y'all do too.)
Someone walking around their neighborhood,
Someone getting locked out of their house.
Those might seem smaller… but it’s the students’ writing that makes them bigger. Let's see how they take these memories… and they take them to insights.
Memories → insights
Getting lost in a foreign country...
...taught this student to trust himself and gain the courage to go after what he wants.
Camping trips with dad...
...gave this student the confidence and the grace to recover from missteps and mistakes.
Riding the train to and from school…
...showed this student that they can create community wherever they go.
Walking around their neighborhood...
...helped this student see beauty in the mundane.
Getting locked out of the house...
...showed this student that she had been underestimating herself
Ellie Frank: Let's touch on some of these insights really quickly.
The person getting lost in the foreign country: this really taught the student to trust himself and gain the courage to go after what he wants.
The student who did the camping trips with Dad: this gave that student the confidence and the grace to recover from missteps and mistakes.
Riding the train to and from school (like I said, we all commute, right): this showed the student that they can create community wherever they go.
Walking around their neighborhood helped the students see the beauty in the mundane. (I love that word: the “mundane.” It can be an everyday experience.)
And getting locked out of the house showed this student that she had been underestimating herself.
You can take all these insights from these really significant memories. And what you'll write about is showing (like we've been saying this entire time) the admissions reader who you're going to be on their campus.
What you write → who you’ll be on campus
Getting lost in a foreign country... |
...will take advantage of our resources |
Ellie Frank:
Getting lost in a foreign country shows that you're going to take advantage of resources when you're on campus.
Camping trips with Dad means that you might make the campus more inclusive.
Riding the train: you're not going to panic when your project isn't going well. You're going to buckle down. You're going to reach out to resources and support systems.
Walking around your neighborhood: you're going to help your peers develop their gratitude: notice the beauty in their mundane, shift perspective.
Getting locked out of the house: you're going to gain confidence through overcoming challenges.
So again, y'all – this is all about showing a narrative: sharing these traits and really giving the reader a new side of yourself that they don't just get from your transcript and activities list.
How do you write the main Personal Statement?
Ellie Frank: Now that we've talked about how to brainstorm, let's talk a little bit about how to write the statement.
General writing tips
Don’t start by choosing a prompt. Tell your story first!
Use your authentic voice and first person. Avoid vocab you wouldn’t normally use.
Use active voice and multiple paragraphs.
Engage the reader with creative storytelling.
Don’t try to emulate a cool essay or gag you saw once.
Angela Torres: Yeah, so how do you write the main personal statement? Here are some general writing tips that we'll go over.
Don't start by choosing a prompt. When you do that pre-writing, when you do that brainstorming, you'll find that story. Tell your story first.
Use your authentic voice and first person.
This is a personal essay. Don't be afraid to say “I.” (Definitely watch how many times you say it… but don't be afraid to say that.)
Avoid a vocabulary that you wouldn't normally use. This can go into having somebody else write it for you – parents get a little touchy. Remember: your voice is authentic to you – so use it, and don't let anybody take that away from you – because it's important!
Use active voice and multiple paragraphs. Remember that there is still a reader. At the end of the day, nobody wants to read one massive paragraph. We want direct communication: you are connecting with your reader.
Don't be afraid to make declarative statements.
Engage the reader with creative storytelling. This is very unlike the UC essays… but this is where you can engage your reader with your artistic, creative, narrative abilities.
Don't try to emulate a cool essay that you saw somewhere, or that you found on the internet. It's going to come across – and it's not going to be authentic to you, right?
Ellie Frank: Because this is all about giving the reader your own voice.
Tips on structure
Open with an engaging hook
Provide important background and context leading up to the moment
Describe the moment and your realizations
Reflect on the moment — how has the moment affected you?
Connect back to the hook and/or look into the future
This is where the bulk of your essay should be!
Ellie Frank: Now that we've talked a little bit about some general writing tips, let's talk a little bit about the structure of the essay. Just like Angela's been saying, totally different structure from the UC PIQs. And it can be really difficult to navigate all these different types of essays. (We've done it all – which is why we're trying to give you all this information!)
So the tips on structure to help with the Common App:
You always want to have a really engaging “hook.” Think about how many essays – every single day – these readers are getting. You want to suck them in. You want to engage them. You want your essay to be the one that they think about in a month, in a year, in five years. You want to hook them in.
Provide an important moment, and context leading up to that moment. If you hook them in, you have to tell them why this is a big deal: why this is cool.
The bulk of your essay, though, is going to be in these next two parts: you're going to describe your moment and your realizations.
You told them what the hook (the moment) is – “hooked” them in. Now why is that important? How is this moment affecting you? And this goes back to the insights that we saw a little bit earlier: what insights did you gain from it? It'll show the admissions readers how you're going to apply those insights on their campus.
And then connect back to the hook, tie up your essay with a neat bow, look into the future.
This isn't going to be for every single essay, but this is a general good suggestion on how we see a lot of successful essays be written.
My biggest tip for this writing process is: spend time editing. Editing, editing, editing. You're going to go through probably four to five drafts of your Common App statement. And so we have a few tips on the next slide.
Editing tips
Choose a prompt after you have all your content
⅔ of your essay should be story; ⅓ should be reflection
Remember your purpose! What do you want the reader to understand about you? Cut any exposition that doesn’t serve this purpose.
Read your work aloud to check for flow and voice
Share your work with someone else to review. Do they get your main message? Does anything weird come across?
Proofread your own writing. Do not reply on an app!
Ellie Frank:
The first is something Angela's already given: choose a prompt after you have all of your content. Fit the prompt to your content rather than the other way around. That's why they have prompt number seven, “free choice”, because they know that the story you're telling is a little bit more important than the prompt you choose!
Two-thirds of your essay should be story. It shouldn't just be narrative exposition or what have you; you really want to be telling your story. Notice we're using that word again and again and again – because I sometimes like to think of it as a “story” rather than an essay.
What do you want the reader to understand about you? Cut exposition that doesn't serve this purpose.
Read your work aloud. I love this one: read your work aloud for flow and voice. If something sounds awkward while you're reading it – if you're stuttering over it – it's probably a little bit awkward when someone's reading it to themselves silently!
Share your work with someone else to review. That could be us. That could be a friend. That could be a caregiver. That could be a teacher. It can really be anyone. Get another set of eyes on that; you do not want yours to be the only one reviewing this essay before you send it in! Do they understand what you're trying to say? Sometimes what you're writing makes perfect sense to you… but you're the expert on you. So get another outside, fresh perspective.
And then proofread your own writing. Do not reply on the app. You don't want to write it directly on the Common App. Open a word doc, a note stock, a Google doc, what have you – because you're going to go through many drafts of this. And here's the thing, y'all: your first draft is not going to be perfect! Plan accordingly when you're writing: when you're creating your writing timeline. The first draft will not be the final draft, I promise you. Leave time for editing.
Sample essay
Angela Torres: Next we're going to go into a sample essay with you – because it's obviously helpful. You can read essays; it's fine. Previously I mentioned something about not mimicking or regurgitating what you read… but it's always good just to get in the habit of looking at these essays.
So we're going to go on into a sample essay.
The hook
"Ok, I guess we won't go with my movie night fundraising idea then, ha-ha."
No one laughed. My face flushed red like a beet; sweat gathered on my forehead, my throat tightened, and I retreated to my seat.
Angela Torres: Here's the hook; this is where we're going to start. Ellie and I are going to go back and forth about these components to the essay. They are broken up – so this is obviously not 650 words! But we'll go through them together
So here's the hook:
“‘Ok, I guess we won't go with my movie night fundraising idea then, ha-ha.’
No one laughed. My face flushed red like a beet; sweat gathered on my forehead, my throat tightened, and I retreated to my seat.”
Ellie Frank: This is a really great hook. Notice that the writer grabs the reader's attention right away by starting in media res – which means in the middle of a moment. That's a pretty common hook. It works pretty well. You immediately are like, “What are they talking about? What movie fundraising idea?” That's the superhero origin story we mentioned a little bit earlier.
Also notice that the student’s adding narrative details to really engage the reader: they quoted themselves, they're using sensory details, and they're using metaphorical writing – like the simile here: “red like a beet.”
It's not like you're doing an English analysis for your writing class.
Background information
That summarizes my first year in student government. In front of ten other students--the class council--I'd speak out and propose an idea for an event. It would get rejected, and I would feel discouraged, only to later try again; this cycle repeated like clockwork. An onlooker never would’ve guessed that I was the freshman class president.
Looking back, it was the definition of an uncomfortable situation. For starters, my peers all had prior leadership experience, and none of them were my initial supporters. Furthermore, I had never been much of a public speaker. Stepping outside of my comfort zone triggered every social insecurity a high school boy could have: long silences, awkward stares, and judgmental comments. Discomfort was my enemy, and I had to get as far away from it as possible.
After I survived my presidency, I wasn't sure if I would participate in anything that would challenge me again.
Ellie Frank: After their hook, they dive into background information – mimicking the structure that we talked about a little bit above. We're going to read that little bit here:
“That summarizes my first year in student government.” So, immediately, they're telling us this is what that moment was about. “In front of ten other students – the class council – I'd speak out and propose an idea for an event. It would get rejected, and I would feel discouraged only to later try again; this cycle repeated like clockwork. An onlooker never would’ve guessed that I was the freshman class president.
“Looking back it was the definition of an uncomfortable situation. For starters, my peers all had prior leadership experience, and none of them were my initial supporters. Furthermore, I've never been much of a public speaker. Stepping outside of my comfort zone triggered every social insecurity a high school boy could ever have: long silences, awkward stares, and judgmental comments. Discomfort was my enemy, and I had to get as far away from it as possible.
“After I survived my presidency, I wasn't sure if I would participate in anything that would challenge me again.”
Angela Torres: This writer does a really good job at – and I think we talked about this before – vulnerability. Whether boy, girl, non-binary, agender… we can all connect with long silences, awkward stares, judgmental comments.
Going into that: really naming them and calling them out – that specificity. We can just say, “This was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable.” But here we really feel that we've been in those long silences; we've been in those in-between moments where everybody's just looking at us and we're like, “I don't know. You're not giving me any feedback. I don't know if what I'm saying is landing!” It's just awkward.
Ellie Frank: And we can all relate to that really well. They're pulling the reader in. They're showing that vulnerability. And, again, they're using that narrative writing: we see similes, we see metaphors. We're giving that good background. And so now that we've gotten that background information, we're going to see the context of the moment.
Context of moment + moment
However, two summers ago, I stumbled upon a YouTube video about parkour, best defined as urban gymnastics. It involves movements like hopping over rails, scaling walls, and landing into rolls. I was astounded as these parkour practitioners displayed complete mastery over their bodies. They moved with speed, precision, and control that I could only dream of. I wondered how I would ever accomplish such feats.
I decided to try. After a month of training and watching videos, I attempted my first complex parkour move, a wall up. All I had to do was run quickly and climb atop a 8-foot wall. Easy, right? Nope--I got everything except for the "climbing atop" part. My run ups were clumsy, and I slid off the wall’s surface every time. Not to mention, I kept banging my knees and falling backwards on to my hip. It was not pleasant.
But, I wasn't going to quit. Watching the YouTube masters motivated me to seek their freedom and fluidity, no matter the bruises, cuts, and minor concussions. I developed my leg strength, straining to complete 100 squats a day; I studied techniques and mastered where my points of contact should be.
And I finally got it. My awkward steps transformed into graceful bounds, and my slipping was replaced by a firm foot plant—followed by an explosive leap.
Angela Torres: I also want to point out – because this is a question in our Q&A – that, ideally, these situations should have occurred in high school. It is ideal to keep your experience in high school. From the looks of this, “student government” is telling me – it could, of course, be Junior High… but he does point out “freshman class president” – this is a high school experience. You do, ideally, want to stay within the limits of your experience 9th through 11th grade year.
However, sometimes it is necessary to go back a little bit further. But if you can relate it (as quickly as possible) to a high school experience, that will be ideal.
Okay, so context of moment:
“However, two summers ago, I stumbled upon a YouTube video about parkour, best defined as urban gymnastics. It involves movements like hopping over rails, scaling walls, and landing into rolls. I was astounded as these parkour practitioners displayed complete mastery over their bodies. They moved with speed, precision, and control that I could only dream of. I wondered how I would ever accomplish such feats.
“I decided to try. After a month of training and watching videos, I attempted my first complex parkour move, a wall up… wall-up.” (I've never done parkour, sorry! I didn't know that was a term.) “All I had to do was run quickly and climb atop a 8-foot wall. Easy, right? Nope--I got everything except for the ‘climbing atop’ part. My run ups were clumsy, and I slid off the wall’s surface every time. Not to mention, I kept banging my knees and falling backwards on to my hip. It was not pleasant.
“But, I wasn't going to quit. Watching the YouTube masters motivated me to seek their freedom and fluidity, no matter the bruises, cuts, and minor concussions. I developed my leg strength, straining to complete 100 squats a day; I studied techniques and mastered where my points of contact should be.
“And I finally got it. My awkward steps transformed into graceful bounds, and my slipping was replaced by a firm foot plant—followed by an explosive leap.”
Ellie Frank: Isn't that fun? It's narrative bringing you in.
Angela Torres: I’m gonna do parkour!
Ellie Frank: (Laughs.) I don't know.
Angela Torres: I need to; I want to, now! All of a sudden, I'm sold.
Ellie Frank: And that is why this is such a successful essay – because, as readers, it's pulling us in. They have those gripping narrative details. It's like a friend is telling us a story.
And what I love here, too, is we have a really good transition from their initial moment (student government) into parkour. It seems unrelated, but we're going to get into it where, later, they're gonna have that reflection. They're gonna meld them together.
Another thing I really love about this part of the essay is: rather than stating their positive traits (like dedication or commitment or diligence) the student expresses them through specific actions and examples: like motivating themselves through YouTube, or squatting every day. They're really showing us (as the reader) with descriptive language – rather than telling us through exposition. That's a really important part of this writing.
We've said it before, I'll say it again (I'll say it 100 times): it's not a classroom essay. It's really a story about yourself.
Realization/reflection
That night, as I replayed the moment, my mind wandered to my role as freshman president. Why didn’t I succeed? I was filled with doubt and powerless to face my adversity. How could I have risen to the challenge? I realized I was flung into the responsibilities, with neither the experience nor the steps to achieve it—that was the difference between then and now.
With parkour, I wasn’t leaping atop roofs on day one. There was discomfort, but instead of diving into it, I could operate on the border of my doubts and abilities. From training, I had small victories like learning a consistent stride or correct foot placement; this made a feat like climbing a wall possible. By accomplishing goal after goal--no matter how insignificant--I gained the confidence to pursue a larger one. As a president, I should have sought more manageable opportunities initially such as brainstorming ideas with my peers beforehand, or giving an introduction speech. Then I could focus on bigger topics like organizing rallies or the budget.
Ellie Frank: So let's get into their realization – their reflection.
“That night, as I replayed the moment, my mind wandered to my role as freshman president.” Again, we see that connection from parkour; they're melding it together. “Why didn’t I succeed? I was filled with doubt and powerless to face my adversity. How could I have risen to the challenge? I realized I was flung into the responsibilities, with neither the experience nor the steps to achieve it—that was the difference between then and now.
“With parkour, I wasn’t leaping atop roofs on day one. There was discomfort, but instead of diving into it, I could operate on the border of my doubts and abilities. From training, I had small victories like learning a consistent stride or correct foot placement; this made a feat like climbing a wall possible. By accomplishing goal after goal--no matter how insignificant--I gained the confidence to pursue a larger one. As a president, I should have sought more manageable opportunities initially such as brainstorming ideas with my peers beforehand, or giving an introduction speech. Then I could focus on bigger topics like organizing rallies or the budget.”
Angela Torres: He does an amazing job at being humble in self-reflection. It is hard to admit where we could have done better. I see parents (a lot of times) want to move an essay away from showing flaws and failures… but really lean into them – like he did here. Because that self-reflection is gold.
That is: he's showing how he will – within a college experience – have that same type of reflection: “How can I get this better? How can I relate prior high school achievements and struggles to this in order to come out better and stronger and grow?” That's really important: applying parkour lessons to how they could have done better in student government – being able to make those connections, and have a takeaway.
He learned: you want to do things step by step instead of jumping in, not expecting that you're just going to be able to…
Ellie Frank: Leap up a wall. Exactly.
What I really love here as well is how he's specific with what he learned. He's not too broad.
He's not saying, “I climbed a wall. I'm awesome and amazing.” That is awesome and amazing. I totally agree: that's nuts. But being really specific with what he took away and what he learned (and how he could apply it in the future) is showing us – as the reader – “When this student comes up with doubts, when they're showing these vulnerabilities that have turned to strengths… they're able to succeed.”
I love that realization and reflection – and it leads really nicely into his conclusion.
Conclusion
Now when I face challenges, I know that I initially have to build my confidence with smaller achievements. Whether it’s starting the parkour club by first having some well-attended unofficial meetings, or organizing a two-day backpacking trip before embarking on a seven-day one, I'm grateful that I can face new situations with this perspective in mind. And hopefully, I won’t turn beet-red again anytime soon.
Angela Torres: Yeah, next we have a conclusion.
“Now when I face challenges, I know that I initially have to build my confidence with smaller achievements. Whether it’s starting the parkour club by first having some well-attended unofficial meetings, or organizing a two-day backpacking trip before embarking on a seven-day one, I'm grateful that I can face new situations with this perspective in mind. And hopefully, I won’t turn beet-red again anytime soon.”
Ellie Frank: I love that. It's a very solid conclusion. They're summarizing – again, at the end – what they've learned. They're ending on that really nice colloquial note (not too formal) that ties it really neatly to the beginning: “I won't turn beet-red.” I remember that narrative detail from the hook.
Maybe one suggestion I'd have about this conclusion is it could be cool to see how they'd apply their newfound knowledge in college or the future. But they don't discount that entirely. They talk about how they already applied what they've learned.
This was a really strong essay that an ILUMIN specialist guided through the process. And we just saw a few examples of how we (as essay specialists) might guide your writing from brainstorming to first draft [to final]. I really hope that you've gained some value from these tips.
How can ILUMIN help?
1:1 with your Essay Specialist
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Ellie Frank: Our hourly essay consulting includes a one-on-one with an essay specialist. We have five and ten hour packages, access to our boot camp curriculum… (I love our boot camp; it has so much content, so much material… especially for that brainstorming session, which can sometimes be the hardest bit!)
I see some questions in the chat about the UC PIQs. We deal so much with the UC PIQs, I promise you: we can give you tons of support on those. We already had our UC PIQ webinar though… but I believe that's up on YouTube.
Anna Lu: Yes. All our past webinars are on our YouTube channel, and we have transcripts on our blog on our website. This is (I think) our fifth installment of our college essay series – so we have covered a lot of ground already. If this is your first webinar with us – or even just your first webinar with us in a while – feel free to check out the other webinars. (We have two more following this one as well.)
Angela Torres: There was another question, too: “Why would you recommend writing a story before choosing a prompt?”
As you can tell, this student had a really poignant story about student government and parkour. If attempting to nail down that prompt first, it could be that the student may have not been able to fit these two experiences together so perfectly. The prompt can limit you. The story can really inform the prompt much more easily than if you were to do the reverse. If you try to form your story to the prompt, it could fail – and, in that case, it just doesn't land as strongly.
But most of these prompts – especially number seven, as Ellie pointed out – can fit a story very easily. You can, of course, reference your prompt somewhere in there – just to really land and make it clear how it applies.
You may give up on a really great narrative (a really great insightful essay) if you are sticking to just one prompt. That's why we suggest story first. The prompt can fit in somewhere within there.
Ellie Frank: I totally agree. Especially because this essay is all about who you are. It's a little bit less about what you've done.
Obviously you're going to want to bring in accomplishments from high school. You're going to want to bring in who you've been in the past four years. But it's more of a chance for the reader to see who you are as a person.
The UC essays are a little bit different – in that it's a lot more of the information that they want. I always like to say that you're giving them data points. That's not really the case here. You're giving them that story – you're selling to them that way: you're having that conversation.
I see folks talking about the UCs; those are super important. Just so you know, too: we're going to be offering something we call our WRITE! workshops. If you are part of our hourly essay consulting, awesome – you get to hang out with people like me and Angela, and some of our other amazing essay specialists and experts. But maybe you want to join us for a specific essay – like in the WRITE! workshops.
These are also webinars – but they're a little bit different in that they apply immediately. You do worksheets. You get some personalized feedback on your progress. You have time in the workshop to work on your writing. I think that's a really cool thing: it really ties back, because these essays are hard. And they're all very, very different – that's the tricky bit. The UCs are different from the Common App, or different from the school-specific essays. It can be a tough piece to handle.
Angela Torres: Yeah, and we support with the entire process: from brainstorm to polishing off and getting you to your final essay. You have us throughout the process.
Most of these packages allow for it. The five hour can be a little iffy – but I've definitely pushed it. You can definitely hit those four to five drafts with us with these packages.
That's our service: you don't have to think about all of that by yourself, and strategize. We will help you – and we will show you what has worked for our previous students.
Ellie Frank: Exactly, and our students have crushed it.
Thank you for joining us!
Use the code START at checkout for 20% off of Hourly Essay Consulting! (Expires in 1 week!)
Contact us at essays@ilumineducation.com!
Ellie Frank: We're just going to say thank you so much for joining us today. Also about five more minutes; if folks want to send in more questions, we're more than happy to spend some time answering them. I really appreciate that you took time out of what I know is a very busy time to spend this time with us.
If you use the code START at your checkout (by the way) you're going to get 20% off your hourly essay consulting – which I think is a steal. This code expires in one week. And you can go directly to our website.
We have a few more minutes if folks want to ask more questions, but in the meantime I got to say to y'all, there are so many different ways to write the Common App. I actually, personally, think it's a lot of fun to write. I know that that doesn't hold true for everybody… but if you plan your time well (it's already a really good step that you're here in the summer before school starts) it's not going to be a frantic rush.
Do not wait until the week before you want to turn it in to write it. That will not lead you to your most successful essay. It'll lead you to an essay, but probably not the best foot you could put forward. Plan your writing timeline out. Spend plenty of time not just writing, but brainstorming and editing.
Really, really know that the only thing a first draft has to do is exist. It does not have to be the perfect draft. That's what you're going to get from all of your editing. That's what you're going to get from talking to friends. That's what you're going to get from another set of eyes on it. All you have to do is get that essay on the paper.
And that can be really tough – so make sure you're giving yourself plenty of time to accomplish that.
It can be hard, but I promise you: you're gonna crush it. Just, you're gonna. You're gonna get through this. You're gonna get into a great school. I know it.
Anna Lu: For sure.
Ellie Frank: Any more questions before we wrap up?
Anna Lu: Also, I just want to really quickly go back to the WRITE! workshops: we had a lot of people clearly very interested in the UCs. Our WRITE! workshops are starting this week. Sign ups for our first one will end (I believe) on Thursday. I'm going to link the second WRITE! Workshop in our series – because this one is focused on UCs. (However, the one that is going to be for this coming week – I will also link that – will extend upon this webinar, basically… but go extremely more in-depth on the Common App personal statement. So please feel free to sign up if you're interested.
Check out our full event calendar; this will be going on for a few months.
It doesn't seem like we have any more questions, so I think we'll be able to end early. Thank you all for joining us.
Angela Torres: Thank you everyone.
Ellie Frank: Thank you all so much.
Anna Lu: Have a good day, everybody!
Angela Torres: Thank you, Anna.
Anna Lu: Thank you too.
Ellie Frank: Thank you guys.